I work in an environment of massage healing and lately I have been very intrigued in the way people use the word "receive." Someone might say something like, "I received the other day from so and so, and it was awesome." Or, "I've been receiving from so and so, it's been so healing."
Receiving in this environment is clearly connected to massage by association, but people don't use the words in conjunction. They don't say, "I received a massage," they say, "I received." It's curious in a way, because receiving has been somewhat bred out of our modern day tribes, and yet it is such an integral part of life. Only doing doesn't work. Only giving doesn't work. For balance and equanimity, we have to give and receive in equal parts. For our sanity, we have to give and receive in equal parts.
A friend of mine wrote about working on the ability to receive a compliment without playing it down and inside I yelled, "Yes! We all need to work on this." We must work on the ability to accept what others give to us, whether it is a compliment, their insight, healing or kindness. By playing it down, we insult the integrity of that person. If someone has complimented you, and you play it down as if it was nothing, you are putting down their ability to appreciate the quality you put forth in the world. By only giving, giving, giving, we rob others of their own desire to participate in the world, in our world that we share with them, and we inadvertently puff off our consequence in doing so, as if to say, "What I give has more value than what you give."
Of course we don't mean to do these things, but the consciousness of receiving has been dormant in the last few decades. Maybe it needs us to revitalize it! Maybe we could make "receiving" a word with as widespread a value as "giving" has. I love this opportunity to explore receiving as a concept that is so much wider than a massage or a compliment, a concept that encompasses our kindness to others by allowing them to give, and a kindness to ourselves by allowing ourselves to receive what others give.
Here's to receiving...
Blessings.
Darshan
© 2015
Saturday, March 21, 2015
Saturday, February 28, 2015
RIP Leonard Nimoy
One day I found he'd written an entire book (Will I think of You) and this poem was only a part of it. It's still my fave...can't help myself, it was already too ingrained. Mr. Nimoy, thank you. RIP, I will always think of you.
"I will think of you
Only on the beach
Where the timeless
never ending surge
of water
changes
the face of the earth
again and again
each minute of the day
night
and always
Where the children
and the aged
Come together
To chase a wave
The surf
Or a dream
Where the tide shifts constantly
Teaching me
That today is only today
And whatever I have
Good or bad
Much or little
Must change
Or it will rot
and die
Then and there when I recall
The change
In this thing called me
The new sides
New forms
New shapes of me
Which came
When you
Washed across
My being
Then, there
On the beach
I will think
Of you."
Leonard Nimoy (c) 1974 Will I think of You
Monday, February 23, 2015
Fifty Shades of what?
There have been a lot of people weighing in and some very interesting suggestions about Fifty Shades of Grey. I haven't commented much - until I read a blog today, written by someone who didn't want to see the movie, had never read the books, ended up seeing the movie under the coercian of friends, and then preached about it to her children.
While I totally support wanting to teach our children all about what a loving relationship is (and isn't), I question how well we can do that without having investigated the story beneath the movie-world hype and the internet memes.
When I think of Fifty Shades of Grey, I think - "Wow, this is one messed up guy. Just like the rest of us." For me this book isn't a bed of roses description of what love is, it is a path through which two people, who come from inevitable pasts of various degrees of damage, to a place of redmeption, to FIND love. For me, it's not an endorsement of BDSM, nor is it an endorsement of some of the more unappealing features of either of the main characters (just the incessant, and often unnecessary jealousy was enough to drive me batty), it is, however, a path.
We all come from our pasts, some of them more damaging than others. (Grey's past is clearly unsavory and while it doesn't give him an excuse for his behavior, it certainly makes it more understandable for the reader.) All childhoods are messy in one way or another, and it's from this history that we are trying to navigate to love.
When I read a romance, or watch a rom-com, this path is the intrigue for me. Where did the players come from? What did it teach them to believe? Are they able to overcome those beliefs to find a place of truth? Are they able to connect, truly connect with another human being? How does their experience of their past contribute to the story of how they reach towards their future and are they successful? How do they redeem themselves - in their own eyes? In the eyes of their beloved?
Fifty does this. Grey, whose past is alluded to throughout the book, has taken on behaviors and beliefs which are challenged throughout the story. Like many victims of violence in childhood, he came to believe that control was the only way he could safely navigate life. And this belief is challenged again and again by Anastasia, until he can admit that the control is not as important to him as - - (wait for it...) Ana's love. Anastasia whose past was patterned with instability and who doesn't trust men much, due to her mother's difficulties with them, overcomes her belief systems and seeks stability in Christian. This isn't really that abnormal. We are all stamped by our pasts and our relationships very often reflect it! Just because this story discusses a sexual lifestyle that a lot of people don't know much about, doesn't make it that different.
The sex - well, apparently it's mindblowing, but it's still not the main part of the story. While the kinky stuff is definitely an ongoing storyline, it goes hand in hand with one of the main principles of love whether it's vanilla, bdsm, chocolate, peanut toffee or something else and that principle of love is that to experience true and pwerful intimacy, there has to be a very high and intense level of trust between two people. In order to get to a place of true intimacy, life requires that we drop our often misguided beliefs and judgments, our walls, our desire for some outward perfection in order to experience the moment, to be fully present. Do they do this? Are Christian and Ana able to get past their programming and beliefs to a place where they are fully present? I'd like to believe they do. Are both of these people able to find their way to a loving and kind relationship, based on mutual respect? I think they do. Will there always be vestiges of their pasts inside them? YES!!! We ALL carry our pasts and the daily work for each and every one of is to continue finding our way from those pasts to a present free of the reaction from them. While the writing and the story aren't insanely powerful, it does present - again and again - that these two individuals are working to overcome their pasts, to work daily to be present today, after having been programmed by so many yesterdays.
How is this different for anyone? For you or me?
Fifty Shades could be much worse. Christian might never have found a path to release his past and continued for the rest of his life in meaningless and emotionally unfulfilling dom relationships. Now THAT would have been a book about abuse and relationships without love. But he didn't. Ana might never have found a man who could challenge her. But she does. Fifty isn't what I would call classic literature, but it doesn't need to be demonized either. It's just a story about how two people work through difficult pasts to find love.
While I totally support wanting to teach our children all about what a loving relationship is (and isn't), I question how well we can do that without having investigated the story beneath the movie-world hype and the internet memes.
When I think of Fifty Shades of Grey, I think - "Wow, this is one messed up guy. Just like the rest of us." For me this book isn't a bed of roses description of what love is, it is a path through which two people, who come from inevitable pasts of various degrees of damage, to a place of redmeption, to FIND love. For me, it's not an endorsement of BDSM, nor is it an endorsement of some of the more unappealing features of either of the main characters (just the incessant, and often unnecessary jealousy was enough to drive me batty), it is, however, a path.
We all come from our pasts, some of them more damaging than others. (Grey's past is clearly unsavory and while it doesn't give him an excuse for his behavior, it certainly makes it more understandable for the reader.) All childhoods are messy in one way or another, and it's from this history that we are trying to navigate to love.
When I read a romance, or watch a rom-com, this path is the intrigue for me. Where did the players come from? What did it teach them to believe? Are they able to overcome those beliefs to find a place of truth? Are they able to connect, truly connect with another human being? How does their experience of their past contribute to the story of how they reach towards their future and are they successful? How do they redeem themselves - in their own eyes? In the eyes of their beloved?
Fifty does this. Grey, whose past is alluded to throughout the book, has taken on behaviors and beliefs which are challenged throughout the story. Like many victims of violence in childhood, he came to believe that control was the only way he could safely navigate life. And this belief is challenged again and again by Anastasia, until he can admit that the control is not as important to him as - - (wait for it...) Ana's love. Anastasia whose past was patterned with instability and who doesn't trust men much, due to her mother's difficulties with them, overcomes her belief systems and seeks stability in Christian. This isn't really that abnormal. We are all stamped by our pasts and our relationships very often reflect it! Just because this story discusses a sexual lifestyle that a lot of people don't know much about, doesn't make it that different.
The sex - well, apparently it's mindblowing, but it's still not the main part of the story. While the kinky stuff is definitely an ongoing storyline, it goes hand in hand with one of the main principles of love whether it's vanilla, bdsm, chocolate, peanut toffee or something else and that principle of love is that to experience true and pwerful intimacy, there has to be a very high and intense level of trust between two people. In order to get to a place of true intimacy, life requires that we drop our often misguided beliefs and judgments, our walls, our desire for some outward perfection in order to experience the moment, to be fully present. Do they do this? Are Christian and Ana able to get past their programming and beliefs to a place where they are fully present? I'd like to believe they do. Are both of these people able to find their way to a loving and kind relationship, based on mutual respect? I think they do. Will there always be vestiges of their pasts inside them? YES!!! We ALL carry our pasts and the daily work for each and every one of is to continue finding our way from those pasts to a present free of the reaction from them. While the writing and the story aren't insanely powerful, it does present - again and again - that these two individuals are working to overcome their pasts, to work daily to be present today, after having been programmed by so many yesterdays.
How is this different for anyone? For you or me?
Fifty Shades could be much worse. Christian might never have found a path to release his past and continued for the rest of his life in meaningless and emotionally unfulfilling dom relationships. Now THAT would have been a book about abuse and relationships without love. But he didn't. Ana might never have found a man who could challenge her. But she does. Fifty isn't what I would call classic literature, but it doesn't need to be demonized either. It's just a story about how two people work through difficult pasts to find love.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Unto Thyself Be Kind
There is a lot of emphasis on being kind - - how virtuous it is, how necessary, but lately I have been wondering if the reason being kind to others isn't as commonplace as it really should be is because we are not kind to ourselves.
I have an inkling that this is the result to thousands of years of guilt being stuffed down our throats - how can you be kind to yourself if you are the root and cause, the essence of evil, if you so will?
But we are not evil, we are beings of light. We come from Light, and we return to Light. Is it possible that it would be ok to let go of that sense of guilt long enough to be NICE to ourselves, I mean to be really KIND to ourselves??
The mirror effect works in every way - it is not restricted to what you do to others but also include what you do to yourself. If you are unkind to yourself and you treat yourself disrespectfully, how can it be possible for others to treat you kindly and respectfully? Maybe spreading kindness needs to happen from all angles. Not only do we need to be kind to others; maybe all of us need to start treating ourselves with kindness so we can expect kindness from others as well.
Kindness changes the world. Kindness requires that we go beyond ourselves and recognize the depth of another being - their inherent value, their beauty, their strength, their weakness, their love, their dignity and their right to live without suffering. Kindness requires that we let go of that unsettling thought that there is something wrong with us. Kindness requires that we connect from the position of knowing that the other person is simply a reflection of who we are and this consciousness changes the world.
So here is my New Year's wish for all: that we treat every other being with the degree of kindness we would expect ourselves and that we treat ourselves with the degree of kindness we would want for every human and every being.
With blessings and love
- Darshan
© 2010-2011 Darshan F Jessop
I have an inkling that this is the result to thousands of years of guilt being stuffed down our throats - how can you be kind to yourself if you are the root and cause, the essence of evil, if you so will?
But we are not evil, we are beings of light. We come from Light, and we return to Light. Is it possible that it would be ok to let go of that sense of guilt long enough to be NICE to ourselves, I mean to be really KIND to ourselves??
The mirror effect works in every way - it is not restricted to what you do to others but also include what you do to yourself. If you are unkind to yourself and you treat yourself disrespectfully, how can it be possible for others to treat you kindly and respectfully? Maybe spreading kindness needs to happen from all angles. Not only do we need to be kind to others; maybe all of us need to start treating ourselves with kindness so we can expect kindness from others as well.
Kindness changes the world. Kindness requires that we go beyond ourselves and recognize the depth of another being - their inherent value, their beauty, their strength, their weakness, their love, their dignity and their right to live without suffering. Kindness requires that we let go of that unsettling thought that there is something wrong with us. Kindness requires that we connect from the position of knowing that the other person is simply a reflection of who we are and this consciousness changes the world.
So here is my New Year's wish for all: that we treat every other being with the degree of kindness we would expect ourselves and that we treat ourselves with the degree of kindness we would want for every human and every being.
With blessings and love
- Darshan
© 2010-2011 Darshan F Jessop
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Alpha Dog
I've been thinking alot about dogs. The first dog I owned (as an adult) "came to me." Little did I know at that time, that she was the alpha dog and that's what alpha dogs do. And boy, was she an alpha dog. I couldn't take her anywhere. First of all she was probably 90 pounds of pure muscle, and beautiful as she was (she was a gorgeous white shepard with a golden brown streak across her back) she was completely unmanageable. She was just alpha all the way and I couldn't take her places, couldn't let her near other dogs, and couldn't hear myself think if she was in the car and happened to see another dog. (In those days, we didn't have Cesar.)
The next dog was another rescue, but she had unfortunately had a bad lot in this life and was extremely abused. Chained and starved, she probably would have liked to enjoy life (she was a sweet soul) but she didn't trust it enough to try. She couldn't be taken anywhere either, but not because she was alpha, simply because you couldn't get a leash on her and you couldn't get her in the car.
But now we have a new doggie-wog member of our family and it's really different. She is well-trained, walks nicely on a leash, is adventurous and fun loving and totally sociable. This is a dog you can take to the dog park and around other dogs, and she's excited to make friends and play. There probably isn't an alpha hair on her body, she's just a delight.
Now that I have this experience of these three types, I have been thinking about how much nicer it is to be around social dogs, and how much less stressful it is. AND how similar that is to people. It is so totally not fun to be around alpha people - bossy, demanding, controlling, always have to have it their way compared to easy-going, relaxed, and playful? Who wouldn't want the latter?
It just seems to me that there is way too much emphasis in today's world on the adversarial, alpha dog, eat 'em up and get to the top mentality. Is that really something to aspire to? The friendliness that comes out, the smiles, the sociability, the kindness of people when you're with a fun-loving and social dog is just amazing and so much more humanly fulfilling than all the conflict you encounter with the alphas.
It's a good reflective thought flow though - because it makes me constantly more aware of my own behavior. You can't really go around saying you want fun and love in your life if you're growling like an alpha dog and ready to tear someone's jugular out! Just something to think about... :-)
Blessings.
- Darshan
© Darshan F Jessop
The next dog was another rescue, but she had unfortunately had a bad lot in this life and was extremely abused. Chained and starved, she probably would have liked to enjoy life (she was a sweet soul) but she didn't trust it enough to try. She couldn't be taken anywhere either, but not because she was alpha, simply because you couldn't get a leash on her and you couldn't get her in the car.
But now we have a new doggie-wog member of our family and it's really different. She is well-trained, walks nicely on a leash, is adventurous and fun loving and totally sociable. This is a dog you can take to the dog park and around other dogs, and she's excited to make friends and play. There probably isn't an alpha hair on her body, she's just a delight.
Now that I have this experience of these three types, I have been thinking about how much nicer it is to be around social dogs, and how much less stressful it is. AND how similar that is to people. It is so totally not fun to be around alpha people - bossy, demanding, controlling, always have to have it their way compared to easy-going, relaxed, and playful? Who wouldn't want the latter?
It just seems to me that there is way too much emphasis in today's world on the adversarial, alpha dog, eat 'em up and get to the top mentality. Is that really something to aspire to? The friendliness that comes out, the smiles, the sociability, the kindness of people when you're with a fun-loving and social dog is just amazing and so much more humanly fulfilling than all the conflict you encounter with the alphas.
It's a good reflective thought flow though - because it makes me constantly more aware of my own behavior. You can't really go around saying you want fun and love in your life if you're growling like an alpha dog and ready to tear someone's jugular out! Just something to think about... :-)
Blessings.
- Darshan
© Darshan F Jessop
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Sometimes
sometimes you find that
for every bit of pain
you have closed the door
a little bit more
until one day
you find yourself
behind the door completely closed
locked and barred
and hurting even more
until you remember hope
sometimes just the thoughts
of your mistakes
can bring a sharp
involuntary cry
to your lips
until you remember that its
all perfect just like it is
and you remember hope
sometimes in the deepest darkest
corner of life
flowers still pop up
amid a green, green field
with an overarching rainbow
when you envision hope
From the Box
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
for every bit of pain
you have closed the door
a little bit more
until one day
you find yourself
behind the door completely closed
locked and barred
and hurting even more
until you remember hope
sometimes just the thoughts
of your mistakes
can bring a sharp
involuntary cry
to your lips
until you remember that its
all perfect just like it is
and you remember hope
sometimes in the deepest darkest
corner of life
flowers still pop up
amid a green, green field
with an overarching rainbow
when you envision hope
From the Box
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Thursday, November 18, 2010
Superior-Inferior
I have recently been meditating a lot on humility. It's one of those words that has some vaguely important meaning, but not really anything too specific comes immediately to mind, except perhaps the images of the aesthetics who have given up everything and go around with their ragged clothes and their bowls.
But humility is pretty deep. It's not just being gracious, or kind to those in worse situations that you; it's not just being nice to someone you don't like, and it's certainly not just being "spiritual." Humility is the essence of recognizing that each and every one of us are all a part of the same thing (and not getting all cocky and feeling superior about knowing that!)
The moment you start trying to make yourself different from someone else and there is emotional attachment, in that moment humility is lost and what it's really about is proving you are not inferior by subconscious acts of superiority. The moment you are zooming angrily around the guy who is not driving fast enough for you, no humility there at all... The moment you start thinking that you and your way of thinking, your way of doing, your way of acting, your way of anything is better, ego has moved in and essentially ousted humility.
It's like any time there is a difference that has an emotional attachment (and clearly, nearly everything does) it becomes the antithesis of humility. We aren't holier just because we are different and pointing it out surely underscores that, doesn't it?
And yet all that effort to differentiate, to be different, better, more, less, etc is kind of useless, isn't it, when you consider that if you were to take the entire planet down to the molecular level we're all just molecules of a huge whole and all the spacial relativity is really just an illusion.
For me it comes down to this - if I'm "trying" to be different, I'm wasting my time. If I'm "trying" to do something or be something because I don't want to be like so many others, waste of time. If I'm thinking I'm better at something than someone else (let's discuss driving...) it's an act of defiant opposition to humility and when I realize that, it actually feels kind of horrible.
Humility feels good. It feels like "I'm in your energy and you're doing something this way and it's cool to be in your energy so I don't need to discuss how *I'd* do it," and to know without ever having to think or express that "if you ever want to just hang out in my energy it's ok for me to do things the way I do them." That is kind. There is alignment, harmony, there is equalization, and that feels good.
It's kind of a hard lesson to wake up and see that you've spent years of your life being the warrior, "I have to be different than everybody else" and that it really just means that you've felt inferior and fought it with an excess of opposition and superiority. But then again - it is the process of life, too, and I think the more you can be thankful for it, the more you are given to see and understand.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
But humility is pretty deep. It's not just being gracious, or kind to those in worse situations that you; it's not just being nice to someone you don't like, and it's certainly not just being "spiritual." Humility is the essence of recognizing that each and every one of us are all a part of the same thing (and not getting all cocky and feeling superior about knowing that!)
The moment you start trying to make yourself different from someone else and there is emotional attachment, in that moment humility is lost and what it's really about is proving you are not inferior by subconscious acts of superiority. The moment you are zooming angrily around the guy who is not driving fast enough for you, no humility there at all... The moment you start thinking that you and your way of thinking, your way of doing, your way of acting, your way of anything is better, ego has moved in and essentially ousted humility.
It's like any time there is a difference that has an emotional attachment (and clearly, nearly everything does) it becomes the antithesis of humility. We aren't holier just because we are different and pointing it out surely underscores that, doesn't it?
And yet all that effort to differentiate, to be different, better, more, less, etc is kind of useless, isn't it, when you consider that if you were to take the entire planet down to the molecular level we're all just molecules of a huge whole and all the spacial relativity is really just an illusion.
For me it comes down to this - if I'm "trying" to be different, I'm wasting my time. If I'm "trying" to do something or be something because I don't want to be like so many others, waste of time. If I'm thinking I'm better at something than someone else (let's discuss driving...) it's an act of defiant opposition to humility and when I realize that, it actually feels kind of horrible.
Humility feels good. It feels like "I'm in your energy and you're doing something this way and it's cool to be in your energy so I don't need to discuss how *I'd* do it," and to know without ever having to think or express that "if you ever want to just hang out in my energy it's ok for me to do things the way I do them." That is kind. There is alignment, harmony, there is equalization, and that feels good.
It's kind of a hard lesson to wake up and see that you've spent years of your life being the warrior, "I have to be different than everybody else" and that it really just means that you've felt inferior and fought it with an excess of opposition and superiority. But then again - it is the process of life, too, and I think the more you can be thankful for it, the more you are given to see and understand.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
The Fullest, Richest Life
If only...when...someday I will...soon...
It's too easy to spend our lives thinking that once we have met the perfect partner then we will begin living a the fullest, richest life ever.
Or when we win the lottery, then we will truly live the fullest, richest life possible.
Or when we find the perfect job...
Or buy a house...
Or have children...
Or make it to the farmer's market...
I think we spend way to much time THINKING!
The only thing stopping us from living the fullest, richest life possible, right now, right here, in this moment...IS FEAR.
Tomorrow will not be any different, no matter how perfect the partner, how much the jackpot, how perfect the job, how beautiful the house, how amazing the children, how wonderful the farmer's market is...tomorrow can only be a replica of today until the fear is gone.
Don't rely on the false promises. It is not that which is without, it is that which is within. Find the fear and let it go. Forgive yourself and move in to the fullest, richest life imaginable!
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
It's too easy to spend our lives thinking that once we have met the perfect partner then we will begin living a the fullest, richest life ever.
Or when we win the lottery, then we will truly live the fullest, richest life possible.
Or when we find the perfect job...
Or buy a house...
Or have children...
Or make it to the farmer's market...
I think we spend way to much time THINKING!
The only thing stopping us from living the fullest, richest life possible, right now, right here, in this moment...IS FEAR.
Tomorrow will not be any different, no matter how perfect the partner, how much the jackpot, how perfect the job, how beautiful the house, how amazing the children, how wonderful the farmer's market is...tomorrow can only be a replica of today until the fear is gone.
Don't rely on the false promises. It is not that which is without, it is that which is within. Find the fear and let it go. Forgive yourself and move in to the fullest, richest life imaginable!
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Monday, November 8, 2010
Look Who's Talking
My teacher used to say that when you pray you are talking to God and when you meditate, you are listening to God. In today's world, we are talking, talking, talking all the time. When we aren't physically talking, we are thinking as if we were talking. It's almost become this constant thing - always sound, always noise, always talking, thinking trying to justify our own perceptions of reality and how we want things to be. It could be like prayer, or it could be that we're trying to force our own picture perfect ideal world onto the Universe and make it fit.
I think sometimes it's important to just stop talking. Stop praying for just a moment, and listen until the silence itself becomes an orchestra of sound, an ocean washing over you and within that finding the silence again.
When we stop talking - that's when we can really hear. And it's not only a good thing and a powerful thing, it's important to learn to be receptive. Life isn't about us pushing our ideas and shaping the Universe. It's a dance, we bend, we twirl, we shape but we also mold ourselves in the process. It's equally as important to learn to be receptive in life - to open ourselves, to invite the Universe in as it is and to fully embrace it by wrapping ourselves around it.
In the yin-yang of life both sides are important - it's good for us to pray and it's good for us to listen. In this busy, fast-paced life, maybe there should be a little more emphasis on the listening part, instead of trying to make God hear our plans for how things should work out, we can listen to God's plans.
Just an idea...
Blessings and love.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
I think sometimes it's important to just stop talking. Stop praying for just a moment, and listen until the silence itself becomes an orchestra of sound, an ocean washing over you and within that finding the silence again.
When we stop talking - that's when we can really hear. And it's not only a good thing and a powerful thing, it's important to learn to be receptive. Life isn't about us pushing our ideas and shaping the Universe. It's a dance, we bend, we twirl, we shape but we also mold ourselves in the process. It's equally as important to learn to be receptive in life - to open ourselves, to invite the Universe in as it is and to fully embrace it by wrapping ourselves around it.
In the yin-yang of life both sides are important - it's good for us to pray and it's good for us to listen. In this busy, fast-paced life, maybe there should be a little more emphasis on the listening part, instead of trying to make God hear our plans for how things should work out, we can listen to God's plans.
Just an idea...
Blessings and love.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Monday, November 1, 2010
Let Me Be Gentle With You
We live in a rash world, a fast-paced world of much movement, often harsh. We have millions of pieces of information coming at us at lightening speed, and most of it with an ulterior motive (i.e. buy this!), in jam-packed action and stress filled days - and there is precious little room for gentleness.
And yet, in the thick of life as we know - learning to be gentle is invaluable, and possibly there is nothing more powerful. Anyone can stand up and roar - but how many of us can bring on gentle in midst of the constant roars surrounding us?
It's actually kind of a stunning concept, too. When you take the word gentle and roll it around your tongue, it has a completely unique and almost foreign feel to it. Gentle - hmmm. Just imagine the difference between slamming your fist down on the table and softly touching the surface of the table. The one is painful, loud, booming, assertive. The other is soft, quiet, receptive, sensuous.
All of life is like this. Our every word is either a slam or a gentle stroke. Our actions are going to fall into one or the other categories. Even our thoughts. It is so easy to suck in all that slamming energy into our thoughts, but what if you take in the other instead? What if you were just gentle with your thoughts. Instead of judgment, blame, anger, perhaps equanimity, softness, kindness, understanding.
Joni Mitchell once sang, "I can be cruel too, oh but let me be gentle with you." Isn't all of life like this? In every moment we can choose to be cruel (i.e. slamming) or we can choose to be gentle. And above all else, we can choose to be gentle with ourselves and the people closest to us, the ones we love. What kind of world will you choose?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
And yet, in the thick of life as we know - learning to be gentle is invaluable, and possibly there is nothing more powerful. Anyone can stand up and roar - but how many of us can bring on gentle in midst of the constant roars surrounding us?
It's actually kind of a stunning concept, too. When you take the word gentle and roll it around your tongue, it has a completely unique and almost foreign feel to it. Gentle - hmmm. Just imagine the difference between slamming your fist down on the table and softly touching the surface of the table. The one is painful, loud, booming, assertive. The other is soft, quiet, receptive, sensuous.
All of life is like this. Our every word is either a slam or a gentle stroke. Our actions are going to fall into one or the other categories. Even our thoughts. It is so easy to suck in all that slamming energy into our thoughts, but what if you take in the other instead? What if you were just gentle with your thoughts. Instead of judgment, blame, anger, perhaps equanimity, softness, kindness, understanding.
Joni Mitchell once sang, "I can be cruel too, oh but let me be gentle with you." Isn't all of life like this? In every moment we can choose to be cruel (i.e. slamming) or we can choose to be gentle. And above all else, we can choose to be gentle with ourselves and the people closest to us, the ones we love. What kind of world will you choose?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Monday, October 25, 2010
Saving Graces
Despite what life throws at us, there are three little tools that transcend - always. I like to call them the Saving Graces.
1. Breathe. No matter what the situation - you could be in the middle of screaming something at someone, in a long traffic jam, sitting bored in front of the tv - seriously - no matter what the situation, if you stop and take three really long, really deep breaths, everything will shift. Try this: sit up with a straight spine. Adjust your head so that your neck is not pushed one way or the other but is a natural extension of your spine. Close your eyes. Begin to breathe in very slowly through your nose. Keep breathing in until you can't breathe in anymore. Hold for a moment or two, and then begin to breathe out, very slowly through your nose.
If you find a situation where everything is just jumbled, try this: with your left hand, use your left thumb to lightly block the left side of your nose. Inhale through the right side of your nose. Remove your thumb. Using your first finger, lightly block the right side of your nose and breathe out through the left side. Then breathe in through the left side, block the left side with your thumb again and breathe out through your right side. Keep up for 3 minutes.
Breathe in left + Breathe out right
Breathe in right + breathe out left
Breathe in left + breathe out right
Breathe in right + breathe out left.
2. Practice Gratitude. No matter what is going on, if you take 10 minutes to sit down and write down everything you are grateful for, everything will shift. it can work to just 'think' all the things you are grateful for, but it is too easy to get distracted because the mind moves at a 1000 thoughts per wink of the eye. If you use a pen and paper (or even a computer keyboard) your focus rivets itself on the actual act of gratitude much easier.
Here's how: Take a sheet of plain paper (or start with a new document) and start writing down things you are grateful for. Write down 50 or 100. The first few are easy. The real challenge is when you have to get up to 50 or 100.
Another favorite way to practice gratitude is to breathe in thank you and breathe out thank you. Breathe in, say thank you. Breathe out, say thank you.
3. Presence. There is nothing like getting present to get real. All the thought and worry and anxiety and fear and whatnot that we spend on how things were, how they might become, everything we're not, everything life isn't, is a huge waste of our energy and so unnecessary. Coming back to this moment reminds us of what is important. Hey - you're with your family - get present with it. Hey - you're having a quiet night at home - get present with it. No matter what the situation - seriously, no matter what - getting present will chip away what is unreal and literally bathe you in what is real.
Try this: Take a long, deep breath and wiggle your toes. Feel how your toes feel. Continue to take long, deep breaths and feel how each part of your body feels. Then feel how your body feels in relationship to the environment (this chair is soft/hard, the window is on my face, the music is soft and melodic). Notice your surroundings and get at present with your surroundings as you are with your body. If your mind wanders off into the stress of daily life, gently invite it back to feel the moment, where that stress can just ease right on out of you.
We think we're stuck. We think everything (negative) has to be what it is, and yet there are these simple little tools that are truly saving graces, that can change anything. You may not change (as in the wave of a wand) the physical landscape, but you will surely shift your own consciousness in relationship to whatever it is you have in front of you and life changes that way.
Much love and many blessings!
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
1. Breathe. No matter what the situation - you could be in the middle of screaming something at someone, in a long traffic jam, sitting bored in front of the tv - seriously - no matter what the situation, if you stop and take three really long, really deep breaths, everything will shift. Try this: sit up with a straight spine. Adjust your head so that your neck is not pushed one way or the other but is a natural extension of your spine. Close your eyes. Begin to breathe in very slowly through your nose. Keep breathing in until you can't breathe in anymore. Hold for a moment or two, and then begin to breathe out, very slowly through your nose.
If you find a situation where everything is just jumbled, try this: with your left hand, use your left thumb to lightly block the left side of your nose. Inhale through the right side of your nose. Remove your thumb. Using your first finger, lightly block the right side of your nose and breathe out through the left side. Then breathe in through the left side, block the left side with your thumb again and breathe out through your right side. Keep up for 3 minutes.
Breathe in left + Breathe out right
Breathe in right + breathe out left
Breathe in left + breathe out right
Breathe in right + breathe out left.
2. Practice Gratitude. No matter what is going on, if you take 10 minutes to sit down and write down everything you are grateful for, everything will shift. it can work to just 'think' all the things you are grateful for, but it is too easy to get distracted because the mind moves at a 1000 thoughts per wink of the eye. If you use a pen and paper (or even a computer keyboard) your focus rivets itself on the actual act of gratitude much easier.
Here's how: Take a sheet of plain paper (or start with a new document) and start writing down things you are grateful for. Write down 50 or 100. The first few are easy. The real challenge is when you have to get up to 50 or 100.
Another favorite way to practice gratitude is to breathe in thank you and breathe out thank you. Breathe in, say thank you. Breathe out, say thank you.
3. Presence. There is nothing like getting present to get real. All the thought and worry and anxiety and fear and whatnot that we spend on how things were, how they might become, everything we're not, everything life isn't, is a huge waste of our energy and so unnecessary. Coming back to this moment reminds us of what is important. Hey - you're with your family - get present with it. Hey - you're having a quiet night at home - get present with it. No matter what the situation - seriously, no matter what - getting present will chip away what is unreal and literally bathe you in what is real.
Try this: Take a long, deep breath and wiggle your toes. Feel how your toes feel. Continue to take long, deep breaths and feel how each part of your body feels. Then feel how your body feels in relationship to the environment (this chair is soft/hard, the window is on my face, the music is soft and melodic). Notice your surroundings and get at present with your surroundings as you are with your body. If your mind wanders off into the stress of daily life, gently invite it back to feel the moment, where that stress can just ease right on out of you.
We think we're stuck. We think everything (negative) has to be what it is, and yet there are these simple little tools that are truly saving graces, that can change anything. You may not change (as in the wave of a wand) the physical landscape, but you will surely shift your own consciousness in relationship to whatever it is you have in front of you and life changes that way.
Much love and many blessings!
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Bullying and Tolerance
There is so much talk right now about bullying and although I agree with the maxim of being kind, I also feel like the children of today are getting a mixed message. TV programs (even the mundane ones) excel in pointing out the "dorks" and the "nerds," intolerance is taught through religious practice or political word-wars and anyone who is in the least bit different is automatically set at a disadvantage.
Don't squirm. It's true. If you have a Muslim in your class, that person is automatically at a disadvantage, simply because they have a religion that is not mainstream, over-media-ed America as a loud and persistent few would have it believed. If you are fat, you are automatically at a disadvantage because the American way of life is geared towards sickeningly skinny (and terribly photoshopped) modelism that doesn't reflect real life. If you are of color, if you are from a different country, if you are too short, too tall, too anything - you are at a disadvantage, and we have endless media to prove it. You don't see turbans on the front of People, do you? You don't see fat people modeling bathing suits, do you? You don't see people speaking a different language in the news for anything except crimes, do you?
And the problem is - if you are not actively and consciously speaking up against this type of stereotyping, well let's face it, this type of hyper-judgmental I am sitting on my throne judging you energy, you are contributing.
Getting kids to stop bullying is something that has to start with the consciousness of our society and Life in America as we know it. It's not about making laws that prohibit discrimination - we need a media to match that! It's not about putting those bullies through psychoanalysis (although that could help), it's about getting their parents and their community members (anyone they are in contact with) to practice what they preach about kindness and tolerance and stop judging everyone else, stop calling names, and stop insisting that their way is the Only way.
Solutions can't come by us pointing fingers at the big bad bullies, solutions need to start with a media that is kind, tolerant and non-bullying and there are alot of people out there who are seriously responsible (just flip through your tv channels!) and who need to stand up and be willing to stop being bullies - political bullies, religious bullies, any-agenda bullies.
When we live that tolerance, when that tolerance is the underlying value of our communities and our society as a whole, that is when bullying will stop.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Don't squirm. It's true. If you have a Muslim in your class, that person is automatically at a disadvantage, simply because they have a religion that is not mainstream, over-media-ed America as a loud and persistent few would have it believed. If you are fat, you are automatically at a disadvantage because the American way of life is geared towards sickeningly skinny (and terribly photoshopped) modelism that doesn't reflect real life. If you are of color, if you are from a different country, if you are too short, too tall, too anything - you are at a disadvantage, and we have endless media to prove it. You don't see turbans on the front of People, do you? You don't see fat people modeling bathing suits, do you? You don't see people speaking a different language in the news for anything except crimes, do you?
And the problem is - if you are not actively and consciously speaking up against this type of stereotyping, well let's face it, this type of hyper-judgmental I am sitting on my throne judging you energy, you are contributing.
Getting kids to stop bullying is something that has to start with the consciousness of our society and Life in America as we know it. It's not about making laws that prohibit discrimination - we need a media to match that! It's not about putting those bullies through psychoanalysis (although that could help), it's about getting their parents and their community members (anyone they are in contact with) to practice what they preach about kindness and tolerance and stop judging everyone else, stop calling names, and stop insisting that their way is the Only way.
Solutions can't come by us pointing fingers at the big bad bullies, solutions need to start with a media that is kind, tolerant and non-bullying and there are alot of people out there who are seriously responsible (just flip through your tv channels!) and who need to stand up and be willing to stop being bullies - political bullies, religious bullies, any-agenda bullies.
When we live that tolerance, when that tolerance is the underlying value of our communities and our society as a whole, that is when bullying will stop.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
20,046 Needles
Once a year my son and take part in the JDRF Walk for A Cure for diabetes. And once a year I ask all my friends to please donate to this cause that is so near and dear to our hearts.
It's not easy to live with diabetes. Can you imagine being 7 and having to poke your finger with a needle 12 times a day? And then take shots? Since my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes almost 4 years ago, that is what he has had to do. That means he has poked his beautiful little fingers a total of 16,776 times to draw blood. And after that - for the first year - he took approx 8 shots a day. That's another 2920 needles sticking into your baby. After that, he got a pump (thank you, God!) and since then only needs one needle every 3 days for that, but that's still another 350 sticks with a needle.
Just think...That little baby that came into the world - 8 lbs, 21 inches, a bundle of joy - - and you have stuck needles in him 20,046 times - - in just FOUR YEARS.
Some people look in on their kids at night, smile, give them light kisses on the forehead and go peacefully to sleep themselves. When I look in on my son, it's to find out what his pancreas is doing - by pricking his finger and drawing blood. Often times i have to feed him when he is sleeping because his blood sugar level is too low. Other times I have to give him insulin. If it's a tumultuous night, I will end up staying up to check again (and again) until there is some stability. Every night we go through this same routine. He checks before he goes to sleep, I check before I go to sleep, I check again in the middle of the night and in the morning the routine goes on.
I tell you this because when this precious bundle came out of me, I thought there was nothing I couldn't do to protect him on his path through life, and it's just not like that. I can't change his pancreas, I can't make it work.
What I CAN do is raise funds each year for the organization I feel is doing the most to find a cure for this ailment and that organization is JDRF. The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation works relentlessly to raise funds to find a cure for diabetes. There are many possible solutions being worked on. It is even thinkable that in his lifetime, my son might be able to witness one of those - - because of organizations like JDRF.
So - this year as we walk around the balloon fiesta park, please send us your prayers for a cure, and if you are able, please contribute to our walk fundraising goal of $300. No donation large or small is inappropriate when you think about those little fingers getting pricked with needles 20,046 times and this precious boy who wants to live a normal life.
Thank you!
With much love and many blessings.
- Darshan Frances Jessop
How to give:
Please visit my Walk Web page if you would like to donate online: http://walk.jdrf.org/walker.cfm?id=87840863
It's not easy to live with diabetes. Can you imagine being 7 and having to poke your finger with a needle 12 times a day? And then take shots? Since my son was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes almost 4 years ago, that is what he has had to do. That means he has poked his beautiful little fingers a total of 16,776 times to draw blood. And after that - for the first year - he took approx 8 shots a day. That's another 2920 needles sticking into your baby. After that, he got a pump (thank you, God!) and since then only needs one needle every 3 days for that, but that's still another 350 sticks with a needle.
Just think...That little baby that came into the world - 8 lbs, 21 inches, a bundle of joy - - and you have stuck needles in him 20,046 times - - in just FOUR YEARS.
Some people look in on their kids at night, smile, give them light kisses on the forehead and go peacefully to sleep themselves. When I look in on my son, it's to find out what his pancreas is doing - by pricking his finger and drawing blood. Often times i have to feed him when he is sleeping because his blood sugar level is too low. Other times I have to give him insulin. If it's a tumultuous night, I will end up staying up to check again (and again) until there is some stability. Every night we go through this same routine. He checks before he goes to sleep, I check before I go to sleep, I check again in the middle of the night and in the morning the routine goes on.
I tell you this because when this precious bundle came out of me, I thought there was nothing I couldn't do to protect him on his path through life, and it's just not like that. I can't change his pancreas, I can't make it work.
What I CAN do is raise funds each year for the organization I feel is doing the most to find a cure for this ailment and that organization is JDRF. The Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation works relentlessly to raise funds to find a cure for diabetes. There are many possible solutions being worked on. It is even thinkable that in his lifetime, my son might be able to witness one of those - - because of organizations like JDRF.
So - this year as we walk around the balloon fiesta park, please send us your prayers for a cure, and if you are able, please contribute to our walk fundraising goal of $300. No donation large or small is inappropriate when you think about those little fingers getting pricked with needles 20,046 times and this precious boy who wants to live a normal life.
Thank you!
With much love and many blessings.
- Darshan Frances Jessop
How to give:
Please visit my Walk Web page if you would like to donate online: http://walk.jdrf.org/walker.cfm?id=87840863
Sunday, October 17, 2010
Poised
Ready? Set? Go! But....
I will do [fill in the blank] when [fill in the blank]. Way too often there is a reason we can find and name for why we aren't doing something, but is there really? The question begs asking - are we poised for action and not taking it because we are waiting for some illusory perfection to apply itself to our lives? Or are we holding back because it's what we know, because we are afraid of what might happen or what might change?
Because years go by. Seriously - you want to take that course, learn that dance, take that one vacation, go do that amazingly challenging thing you have always wanted to do and years go by and you can still find yourself wanting to do that thing. And there is something poised but not alive in that, something wanting and yearning but not doing and living. And I think the fear of death is so tied into this. When thoughts of death get scary it's because there are those questions - have I done what I really wanted to do? Have I done everything I could do? Have I made my mark upon the world?
No one wants to go through that deathbed experience only to get "No" as the answer to those questions, but being poised is not enough. We have to actually DO the things we dream about doing, yearn to do, know in our hearts we have to do to feel whole and happy and like we have done what we came here to do.
I urge you to look at the things in your life, and more likely these are things in your mind, rather than in your life, and look at what you have been wanting to do - for years. Find whatever it is that is holding you back, usually a seed of fear, and release it. Find the strength within to let go of whatever is holding you back and do whatever it is that will fill you with joy, that will fill you with gratitude, that will fulfill you in ways day to day life never will.
Because years go by. Seriously. And that's something you can change.
Blessings and love.
- Darshan
© Darshan F Jessop
I will do [fill in the blank] when [fill in the blank]. Way too often there is a reason we can find and name for why we aren't doing something, but is there really? The question begs asking - are we poised for action and not taking it because we are waiting for some illusory perfection to apply itself to our lives? Or are we holding back because it's what we know, because we are afraid of what might happen or what might change?
Because years go by. Seriously - you want to take that course, learn that dance, take that one vacation, go do that amazingly challenging thing you have always wanted to do and years go by and you can still find yourself wanting to do that thing. And there is something poised but not alive in that, something wanting and yearning but not doing and living. And I think the fear of death is so tied into this. When thoughts of death get scary it's because there are those questions - have I done what I really wanted to do? Have I done everything I could do? Have I made my mark upon the world?
No one wants to go through that deathbed experience only to get "No" as the answer to those questions, but being poised is not enough. We have to actually DO the things we dream about doing, yearn to do, know in our hearts we have to do to feel whole and happy and like we have done what we came here to do.
I urge you to look at the things in your life, and more likely these are things in your mind, rather than in your life, and look at what you have been wanting to do - for years. Find whatever it is that is holding you back, usually a seed of fear, and release it. Find the strength within to let go of whatever is holding you back and do whatever it is that will fill you with joy, that will fill you with gratitude, that will fulfill you in ways day to day life never will.
Because years go by. Seriously. And that's something you can change.
Blessings and love.
- Darshan
© Darshan F Jessop
Thursday, October 7, 2010
Buckets of Love
The mind actually thinks 1000 thoughts per blink of the eye! So what do you do when all those thoughts are angry and wanting to cuss somebody out, or hurt because of what someone else says or does to you? I use this little technique called buckets of love.
First of all I had to imagine that I had a private army of helpers (angels, helpers, something like that) completely at my disposal. My job was to be the 4-star general in charge of directing them to protect me. For instance, there are moments when stress turns edgy turns a bit fearful. Well - those helpers are directed to line up along the perimeter and they are given huge buckets, maybe even barrels and their sole job is to dump buckets of love out in a constant stream. Or when someone does something really stupid on the road and you're just boiling with indignation about it - you can direct those helpers to dump buckets of love all over that person, their car, their life. Have a co-worker who is out to get you? The more you stew about it, the more fear you have about it, the more that co-worker has the upper hand. But sit in your office and dump buckets of love on that person??? EVERYTHING changes.
This is an amazing little trick. First of all it's hilarious and it's hard to stay angry or upset when something is hilarious. I mean, just imagine that person who was acting like such a jerk with all that gooey, sappy love stuff all over them!! But taking it even a tad bit deeper - where there is love there can't be fear, anger, hatred or other nastiness. They just can't co-exist and love is simply stronger. Love is light and when you turn on the light, darkness disappears. Darkness just can't handle light or love, so when you dump all those buckets of love on them, darkness COMPLETELY freaks out. Love is such a high frequency of energy that anything less than it either needs to change its own frequency or it can't handle it and disappears.
If you really want trouble in your life to disappear - trouble in every way - fear, anger, hostility, frustration, etc. etc. etc. just try this technique. Set up your own little helper army (and by the way, it's as extensive as you need it) and dump buckets of love. There is no sweeter revenge. And the results are amazing!
Blessings and love!
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
First of all I had to imagine that I had a private army of helpers (angels, helpers, something like that) completely at my disposal. My job was to be the 4-star general in charge of directing them to protect me. For instance, there are moments when stress turns edgy turns a bit fearful. Well - those helpers are directed to line up along the perimeter and they are given huge buckets, maybe even barrels and their sole job is to dump buckets of love out in a constant stream. Or when someone does something really stupid on the road and you're just boiling with indignation about it - you can direct those helpers to dump buckets of love all over that person, their car, their life. Have a co-worker who is out to get you? The more you stew about it, the more fear you have about it, the more that co-worker has the upper hand. But sit in your office and dump buckets of love on that person??? EVERYTHING changes.
This is an amazing little trick. First of all it's hilarious and it's hard to stay angry or upset when something is hilarious. I mean, just imagine that person who was acting like such a jerk with all that gooey, sappy love stuff all over them!! But taking it even a tad bit deeper - where there is love there can't be fear, anger, hatred or other nastiness. They just can't co-exist and love is simply stronger. Love is light and when you turn on the light, darkness disappears. Darkness just can't handle light or love, so when you dump all those buckets of love on them, darkness COMPLETELY freaks out. Love is such a high frequency of energy that anything less than it either needs to change its own frequency or it can't handle it and disappears.
If you really want trouble in your life to disappear - trouble in every way - fear, anger, hostility, frustration, etc. etc. etc. just try this technique. Set up your own little helper army (and by the way, it's as extensive as you need it) and dump buckets of love. There is no sweeter revenge. And the results are amazing!
Blessings and love!
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Saturday, October 2, 2010
Try Kindness
It's a messed up world sometimes; things don't always go the way we want them; stress is way too present in our lifestyles today; s-t-r-e-t-c-h-i-n-g seems to be the way of life; and sometimes things look bleak and hopeless.
But in all this, in all of life, you can always choose kindness and it is an amazing gift. You can choose to be kind to yourself...to rest when you need to rest, to breathe deeply, to eat better and to make sure you move during the day. You can choose to be kind to yourself by saying nice things about yourself, about your life. And you can choose to be kind to your world by saying nice things about life in general, things that are going on, people you are interacting with.
A little kindness goes a long way. Once upon a time when my son was diagnosed with diabetes, a friend called on a friend whose son also had diabetes. And this woman traipsed through heavy snow with grocery bags of stuff to give me courage through her own lessons. This was years ago and yet I remember it as if if were yesterday - because of the kindness.
If you live your life every day so that your kindness will be remembered, you will be covered. The Tao te Ching says:
Kindless in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
Everyone struggles, everyone has ups and downs, but no matter where we are going, where we have been or what we are going through now - the things we remember are draped in kindness, hope and faith.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
But in all this, in all of life, you can always choose kindness and it is an amazing gift. You can choose to be kind to yourself...to rest when you need to rest, to breathe deeply, to eat better and to make sure you move during the day. You can choose to be kind to yourself by saying nice things about yourself, about your life. And you can choose to be kind to your world by saying nice things about life in general, things that are going on, people you are interacting with.
A little kindness goes a long way. Once upon a time when my son was diagnosed with diabetes, a friend called on a friend whose son also had diabetes. And this woman traipsed through heavy snow with grocery bags of stuff to give me courage through her own lessons. This was years ago and yet I remember it as if if were yesterday - because of the kindness.
If you live your life every day so that your kindness will be remembered, you will be covered. The Tao te Ching says:
Kindless in words creates confidence.
Kindness in thinking creates profoundness.
Kindness in giving creates love.
Everyone struggles, everyone has ups and downs, but no matter where we are going, where we have been or what we are going through now - the things we remember are draped in kindness, hope and faith.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Friday, October 1, 2010
Self Image
What if things weren't really the way we think they are?
What if it didn't rain every time you washed your car?
What if you subconsciously always intuited when it was going to rain and washed your
car, happily ignorant of that subconscious knowledge?
What if you didn't always fail at something?
What if every time you did it you gained experience and professionalism and became better at it?
What if you really weren't a horrible teacher?
Imagine how you would be acting as a person who was great loved and revered by others as a great teacher and act that way?
We spend way too much time believing that what we think is real. Thinking is only a reflection and it is an unreliable reflection because it is generally tainted with predisposition, preconceptions and a serious dose of subjectivity.
What if things really weren't that way you think they are at all? What if they were really different and you were the only one holding yourself back from experiencing it, appreciating it, loving it!
What if you were capable of suspending thought and suspending judgment for just long enough to recognize that what you are experiencing right here and now is more real that your thought and your judgment?
I think it would be worth it!
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
What if it didn't rain every time you washed your car?
What if you subconsciously always intuited when it was going to rain and washed your
car, happily ignorant of that subconscious knowledge?
What if you didn't always fail at something?
What if every time you did it you gained experience and professionalism and became better at it?
What if you really weren't a horrible teacher?
Imagine how you would be acting as a person who was great loved and revered by others as a great teacher and act that way?
We spend way too much time believing that what we think is real. Thinking is only a reflection and it is an unreliable reflection because it is generally tainted with predisposition, preconceptions and a serious dose of subjectivity.
What if things really weren't that way you think they are at all? What if they were really different and you were the only one holding yourself back from experiencing it, appreciating it, loving it!
What if you were capable of suspending thought and suspending judgment for just long enough to recognize that what you are experiencing right here and now is more real that your thought and your judgment?
I think it would be worth it!
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Sunday, September 26, 2010
Hatred
It's strange how easy it is to find some way to believe it's ok to hate - like we are somehow permitted (and even vindicated) to hate based on our beliefs, or our judgments about whether something is right or not, as if hatred were some desired and esteemed emotion.
It's not.
Sorry to dash all those noble and esteemed thoughts, but hatred is a derivative of fear. Hate is a completely human emotion manufactured in the belief that one person has the right to be better than another, and that is a notion that comes from fear of not being good enough. A deer doesn't hate the lioness. She learns to be wary of her, to run from her, to avoid her, but she doesn't hate. Humans hate.
We hate when we are driven into a corner. We hate when we think someone is trying to get the better of us. We hate when we think other people are doing harm to something we value. We hate when we think we're more intelligent, more evolved, better than someone else.
But there is no justification for this. There is no original holy book that advocates hate. period. (I can't speak for modern, sometimes manipulated translations.) Every spiritual path, every religion bespeaks love, tolerance, compassion and recognizing that the other person is you. (Love your neighbor as yourself...) There is no strength in the belief that there is any justification or vindication for hate - except from others who fear as deeply as you do.
Despite our beliefs that we know best, I do believe that there is a Higher Power, God, who knows a little better than we do. I don't believe that anything happens that does not have meaning and purpose for the higher good of all. Even the most heinous and hideous occurrences in history have taught us incredibly valuable lessons in human rights, human dignity, and the evolution of human consciousness. We can judge it as evil or wrong, but who are we to know? What if we hadn't learned those lessons? Could not the result have been much worse for us????? How can we truly know?
There just isn't any excuse or justification for hatred and it's a word used frequently - I hate this and I hate that...it's all over the place and once you start listening for it you hear it again and again.
Here is something to ponder. This is an opportunity to look deep inside and really look to see if "hating" is where you're really at. Is it what you really mean? And when you look behind the hate and even replace the word hate with fear, what comes up for you, what do you find at the core essence of it? What would happen if you replaced the word hate with love? What would happen if you simply didn't use the word hate at all?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
It's not.
Sorry to dash all those noble and esteemed thoughts, but hatred is a derivative of fear. Hate is a completely human emotion manufactured in the belief that one person has the right to be better than another, and that is a notion that comes from fear of not being good enough. A deer doesn't hate the lioness. She learns to be wary of her, to run from her, to avoid her, but she doesn't hate. Humans hate.
We hate when we are driven into a corner. We hate when we think someone is trying to get the better of us. We hate when we think other people are doing harm to something we value. We hate when we think we're more intelligent, more evolved, better than someone else.
But there is no justification for this. There is no original holy book that advocates hate. period. (I can't speak for modern, sometimes manipulated translations.) Every spiritual path, every religion bespeaks love, tolerance, compassion and recognizing that the other person is you. (Love your neighbor as yourself...) There is no strength in the belief that there is any justification or vindication for hate - except from others who fear as deeply as you do.
Despite our beliefs that we know best, I do believe that there is a Higher Power, God, who knows a little better than we do. I don't believe that anything happens that does not have meaning and purpose for the higher good of all. Even the most heinous and hideous occurrences in history have taught us incredibly valuable lessons in human rights, human dignity, and the evolution of human consciousness. We can judge it as evil or wrong, but who are we to know? What if we hadn't learned those lessons? Could not the result have been much worse for us????? How can we truly know?
There just isn't any excuse or justification for hatred and it's a word used frequently - I hate this and I hate that...it's all over the place and once you start listening for it you hear it again and again.
Here is something to ponder. This is an opportunity to look deep inside and really look to see if "hating" is where you're really at. Is it what you really mean? And when you look behind the hate and even replace the word hate with fear, what comes up for you, what do you find at the core essence of it? What would happen if you replaced the word hate with love? What would happen if you simply didn't use the word hate at all?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Thursday, September 23, 2010
Mistakes
We have this habit of looking back on times of old and recognizing "mistakes" we have made. Yes, of course, some things were really uncomfortable and some things we would never do again, and of course cruelty is never acceptable...but...how much of a "mistake" were all those things now really?
Sometimes it's an issue of recognizing that we had to do what we had to do because it was absolutely the most perfect thing for us to do at the time, so we could learn the lesson we needed to learn. In other words, maybe it was perfect and not wrong, and not a mistake at all.
When we stop beating up on ourselves, when we move ourselves out of that place of judgment, we make room to recognize just what a blessing every single life experience is. Yes - look back and even the worst experience of your life taught you that you could get through even tremendous pain, sorrow, anger, etc.
We do have this unfortunate knack of putting ourselves down and judging ourselves against some imaginary perfection out there in the form of [fill in the name of someone you think doesn't suffer!]. And yet - even the most beautiful, the richest, the most famous, the most seemingly contented person you have ever met is just like you; has the same doubts, fears, and self-recriminations for their own past.
Don't you think it's time to ease up a little? How about gratitude instead of recriminations? How about saying thank you rather than raking yourself over the coals? How about just considering - even for a moment - that those mistakes weren't mistakes at all, but building blocks to a better you?
Because you can go for the rest of your life thinking that you are a horrible person because you once made "mistakes" or you can go through the rest of your life saying thank you and blessing every experience you ever had, thereby garnering its power. That choice is up to you. How will you choose?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© Darshan F Jessop
Sometimes it's an issue of recognizing that we had to do what we had to do because it was absolutely the most perfect thing for us to do at the time, so we could learn the lesson we needed to learn. In other words, maybe it was perfect and not wrong, and not a mistake at all.
When we stop beating up on ourselves, when we move ourselves out of that place of judgment, we make room to recognize just what a blessing every single life experience is. Yes - look back and even the worst experience of your life taught you that you could get through even tremendous pain, sorrow, anger, etc.
We do have this unfortunate knack of putting ourselves down and judging ourselves against some imaginary perfection out there in the form of [fill in the name of someone you think doesn't suffer!]. And yet - even the most beautiful, the richest, the most famous, the most seemingly contented person you have ever met is just like you; has the same doubts, fears, and self-recriminations for their own past.
Don't you think it's time to ease up a little? How about gratitude instead of recriminations? How about saying thank you rather than raking yourself over the coals? How about just considering - even for a moment - that those mistakes weren't mistakes at all, but building blocks to a better you?
Because you can go for the rest of your life thinking that you are a horrible person because you once made "mistakes" or you can go through the rest of your life saying thank you and blessing every experience you ever had, thereby garnering its power. That choice is up to you. How will you choose?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© Darshan F Jessop
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
Hidden
Hidden in that frenzy
away from all the light of day
sits something I don't want to see
and would rather push away
if only I could cover it
with anything at all
and end up quite oblivious
to escape its call
But it's not nature's way
to allow just such a thing
what needs to see the light of day
won't hide successfully
A little tip will peak its nose
through all attempts to hide
and it's more willful than supposed
it will not be denied
Fruitless and a waste of time
to try so hard to keep it hidden
I'll take a peak and surely find
a gift that has been bidden
And as I bring it out to see
the darkness has no power
the gift is ever mine to keep
with blessings I am showered
From the box
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
away from all the light of day
sits something I don't want to see
and would rather push away
if only I could cover it
with anything at all
and end up quite oblivious
to escape its call
But it's not nature's way
to allow just such a thing
what needs to see the light of day
won't hide successfully
A little tip will peak its nose
through all attempts to hide
and it's more willful than supposed
it will not be denied
Fruitless and a waste of time
to try so hard to keep it hidden
I'll take a peak and surely find
a gift that has been bidden
And as I bring it out to see
the darkness has no power
the gift is ever mine to keep
with blessings I am showered
From the box
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Sunday, September 19, 2010
Sometimes You Have to Stop
Life is what happens when we are too busy trying to figure life out. Happiness is what happens somewhere else, while we strive to reach it. Sadness and anger are what happens when we think life should be different than what it is. Always, always, always we are busy and how often do we take the moment we are in as the life we seek, as the greatest source of happiness, as a moment to be grateful for and to love?
In this busy modern day life we are nearly completely divorced from the very moment we exist in. We are technologically advanced and humanly deprived; we can visit any module of information but we are too tired to assimilate it; we can go anywhere and do anything, but we forget that being here is equally as blessed.
We constantly seek this state of eternal bliss but that bliss only happens when we fuse on the molecular level with all of life without exception. That place of non-judgment is the difference between how we think and how we mesh directly with God. In that moment nothing is out of line, nothing is wrong, nothing is bad, nothing is anything - it just is. It's a state that is rare and so profound you will never forget the Infinite glimpse into the deepest happiness around.
Sometimes you have to just stop. Stop everything. Sit still in silence and listen inwardly until the sound of the Universe roars within you. Forget your goals and your dreams and your aspirations for a moment, forget your unhappiness or your sadness or your anger. Let go of what is "right" and what is "wrong," let go of how you think things should be; let go of you (the ego) and find yourself again as a part of the Universe. And rejoice!
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
In this busy modern day life we are nearly completely divorced from the very moment we exist in. We are technologically advanced and humanly deprived; we can visit any module of information but we are too tired to assimilate it; we can go anywhere and do anything, but we forget that being here is equally as blessed.
We constantly seek this state of eternal bliss but that bliss only happens when we fuse on the molecular level with all of life without exception. That place of non-judgment is the difference between how we think and how we mesh directly with God. In that moment nothing is out of line, nothing is wrong, nothing is bad, nothing is anything - it just is. It's a state that is rare and so profound you will never forget the Infinite glimpse into the deepest happiness around.
Sometimes you have to just stop. Stop everything. Sit still in silence and listen inwardly until the sound of the Universe roars within you. Forget your goals and your dreams and your aspirations for a moment, forget your unhappiness or your sadness or your anger. Let go of what is "right" and what is "wrong," let go of how you think things should be; let go of you (the ego) and find yourself again as a part of the Universe. And rejoice!
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
The Lies We Tell
The lies we tell hurt us.
"It's too much!" You never get more than you can handle. Period.
"I can't handle it." Of course you can. You always do. Only look back over your life and witness how many times you have handled it.
"It's never going to get better." Yes it is. Life is a never-ending process of change and you have a 50-50 chance of things getting better.
"Not even God can fix this." Seriously? God has limitations? Man has limitations - why not let God be able to fix anything without putting our limited thinking out there as "truth."
"I love you, but..." That's not love. Love does not seek to change the beloved, but to honor and serve.
"I'm unhappy because of __________ [fill in the blank with anything except yourself]" Life is what it is, things happen the way they happen. You have no control over that. What you do have control over is how you respond.
Probably - long, long ago, and this is just surmise - probably we developed this way of thinking to protect ourselves from pain, defeat and failure. I.e. "We'll never win." and then if you don't, you don't feel bad and if you do, you have something to celebrate.
However, somewhere along the line we forgot that it was a set-up and we forgot to celebrate. The result of that is we now actually believe these things and they become the prescription for how our lives actualize.
Boo. Hiss.
In the beginning was the Word....our words are powerful and they define us. Take a look at the words that might not be true and consider exchanging them for different ones:
"There is a lot going on!"
"I trust myself to be able to handle whatever life gives me!"
"I trust God to work this out!"
"I love you for who you are and how you are and everything about you!"
"I have responsibility for my own happiness!"
Blessings!
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
"It's too much!" You never get more than you can handle. Period.
"I can't handle it." Of course you can. You always do. Only look back over your life and witness how many times you have handled it.
"It's never going to get better." Yes it is. Life is a never-ending process of change and you have a 50-50 chance of things getting better.
"Not even God can fix this." Seriously? God has limitations? Man has limitations - why not let God be able to fix anything without putting our limited thinking out there as "truth."
"I love you, but..." That's not love. Love does not seek to change the beloved, but to honor and serve.
"I'm unhappy because of __________ [fill in the blank with anything except yourself]" Life is what it is, things happen the way they happen. You have no control over that. What you do have control over is how you respond.
Probably - long, long ago, and this is just surmise - probably we developed this way of thinking to protect ourselves from pain, defeat and failure. I.e. "We'll never win." and then if you don't, you don't feel bad and if you do, you have something to celebrate.
However, somewhere along the line we forgot that it was a set-up and we forgot to celebrate. The result of that is we now actually believe these things and they become the prescription for how our lives actualize.
Boo. Hiss.
In the beginning was the Word....our words are powerful and they define us. Take a look at the words that might not be true and consider exchanging them for different ones:
"There is a lot going on!"
"I trust myself to be able to handle whatever life gives me!"
"I trust God to work this out!"
"I love you for who you are and how you are and everything about you!"
"I have responsibility for my own happiness!"
Blessings!
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Sunday, September 12, 2010
Equanimity
It's goofy, but sometimes you just have to trust that things will be all right, you have to just know that the Universe (and all its components) is your friend and not your enemy, and, perhaps most important of all, you have to know that how you feel about things really is the main force behind how they turn out.
That's a tough request there when rent is due and children and a million other details require our care and attention and life gets overwhelming. How can you trust when the numbers don't line up, when the day does not have enough hours, when everything seems like it's coming at you at once? How can the Universe be your friend when things are falling apart? And how can you possibly persuade yourself to be chipper in the midst of all this??
Find the place inside where there is pure and perfect equanimity and neutrality. In that place there is peace. There is no attachment to what is happening and no attachment to an outcome other than what is right now. It is a desireless, wishless, calm and easy place of presence that pushes fear and frustration to the side, and allows you to breathe really, really deeply.
Because all these emotions just block you. What is the use in getting bent out of shape because things aren't different than the way they are? How does getting upset about it help change things? Maybe it's good as a tool for awareness but beyond that wishing, hoping or wanting things to be different isn't enough.
In the place of equanimity there is the ability to assess what actions and steps might create the sort of change you'd like. Freaking out about the way something is does not offer that same ability.
You have to choose. If you don't want to do anything about it, then by all means keep freaking out, and not trusting, and believing the Universe is out to get you. Or - if you want to do something about it, get past the emotion. Get to the place where you are neutral and take a look around for what you can do to start that change.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
That's a tough request there when rent is due and children and a million other details require our care and attention and life gets overwhelming. How can you trust when the numbers don't line up, when the day does not have enough hours, when everything seems like it's coming at you at once? How can the Universe be your friend when things are falling apart? And how can you possibly persuade yourself to be chipper in the midst of all this??
Find the place inside where there is pure and perfect equanimity and neutrality. In that place there is peace. There is no attachment to what is happening and no attachment to an outcome other than what is right now. It is a desireless, wishless, calm and easy place of presence that pushes fear and frustration to the side, and allows you to breathe really, really deeply.
Because all these emotions just block you. What is the use in getting bent out of shape because things aren't different than the way they are? How does getting upset about it help change things? Maybe it's good as a tool for awareness but beyond that wishing, hoping or wanting things to be different isn't enough.
In the place of equanimity there is the ability to assess what actions and steps might create the sort of change you'd like. Freaking out about the way something is does not offer that same ability.
You have to choose. If you don't want to do anything about it, then by all means keep freaking out, and not trusting, and believing the Universe is out to get you. Or - if you want to do something about it, get past the emotion. Get to the place where you are neutral and take a look around for what you can do to start that change.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Dropping Fear and/or Anxiety
Five ways to drop fear and/or anxiety:
1) Sing: Singing stimulates the heart chakra as well as the throat chakra. Fear and anxiety are often a symptom of having too much inside. Singing lets it out. By stimulating the heart chakra you stimulate the compassion, tranquility, neutrality and love - fear and anxiety can't stand up to them.
2) Dance: Fear and anxiety are also a symptom of something being stuck. By dancing (or indulging in other sports/exercise) you unstick it all. The endorphins get going, which give you a healthy sense of well-being and you feel on top of the world instead of dragged down by it.
3) Play with puppies or children: Children and animals have an uncanny way of being completely present. When you let go enough to be present with them, they will fall all over you and you can have a blast romping, giggling, laughing, wrestling, and playing with them. Fear and anxiety have nothing on kids or puppies!
4) Do something different: Change something you do - drive a different way to work, drink tea instead of coffee, do something you don't usually do. Fear and anxiety are a symptom that your life is freakishly predictable and/or that there is some remnant of belief that you can 'control' life. Doing something different gives you different smells, tastes, sensations to experience; they remind you that what you know of life is limited and that there is so much more there for the checking out.
5) Get with friends: Do whatever you can to get with friends. Have a dinner, invite people over to play old folk songs around the piano, go for a walk on the beach with a friend, chat on Skype for hours - relate, touch someone's heart. Fear and anxiety are a symptom that you feel too alone. Being with friends is a way to pull things out from inside you, lay them on the table and investigate whether you really need to have them, and with friends is a safe and trustworthy place for such a process.
Fear and/or anxiety are naturally occurring phenomena. They are instincts that are there for a good reason. They are a way for your instincts to tell us that action is needed and it is up to you to respond. How will you choose to respond?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
1) Sing: Singing stimulates the heart chakra as well as the throat chakra. Fear and anxiety are often a symptom of having too much inside. Singing lets it out. By stimulating the heart chakra you stimulate the compassion, tranquility, neutrality and love - fear and anxiety can't stand up to them.
2) Dance: Fear and anxiety are also a symptom of something being stuck. By dancing (or indulging in other sports/exercise) you unstick it all. The endorphins get going, which give you a healthy sense of well-being and you feel on top of the world instead of dragged down by it.
3) Play with puppies or children: Children and animals have an uncanny way of being completely present. When you let go enough to be present with them, they will fall all over you and you can have a blast romping, giggling, laughing, wrestling, and playing with them. Fear and anxiety have nothing on kids or puppies!
4) Do something different: Change something you do - drive a different way to work, drink tea instead of coffee, do something you don't usually do. Fear and anxiety are a symptom that your life is freakishly predictable and/or that there is some remnant of belief that you can 'control' life. Doing something different gives you different smells, tastes, sensations to experience; they remind you that what you know of life is limited and that there is so much more there for the checking out.
5) Get with friends: Do whatever you can to get with friends. Have a dinner, invite people over to play old folk songs around the piano, go for a walk on the beach with a friend, chat on Skype for hours - relate, touch someone's heart. Fear and anxiety are a symptom that you feel too alone. Being with friends is a way to pull things out from inside you, lay them on the table and investigate whether you really need to have them, and with friends is a safe and trustworthy place for such a process.
Fear and/or anxiety are naturally occurring phenomena. They are instincts that are there for a good reason. They are a way for your instincts to tell us that action is needed and it is up to you to respond. How will you choose to respond?
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Monday, September 6, 2010
What to Expect
We have these expectations. They are built in. Even before we open our eyes, we have an expectation of what the morning light will look like, where the alarm will be, what it will feel like when we swing our legs over the bed and get on with the day.
Our lives are really one long set of expectations. Maybe that's ok - we've gathered alot of experience, already. We've woken up thousands of days and seen the morning, we know where the alarm clock is, etc. The problem is when we become attached to them. Because that is what differentiates between what we expect and what is, and causes us to not be able to handle what is because of what we expect.
But the biggest place we expect is in our interactions with other people - and this whether we are aware of it or not. We simply pile on tons and tons of expectations to our friends, our partners, even random people we interact with! (Only think of the slow driver in front of you that you are expecting to hit the darn gas pedal!)
And here is the two-fold problem with this arrangement:
1. WE HAVEN'T TOLD THEM OUR EXPECTATION
2. and - WE'RE COMPLETELY ATTACHED TO THEM LIVING UP TO IT
Are you shaking your head yet? Because this is really crazy. If you have an expectation of someone, you either have to let them know that and at least give them the opportunity to live up to it, or you have to abandon the expectation. You can't waltz through life expecting people to mind read your every expectation, it's not reasonable. These expectations, these UNSPOKEN expectations are at the root of the vast majority of pain we experience in our relationships. I expect you to be this way, you aren't that way (because I haven't told you and you haven't had the opportunity of deciding if you want to be this way); and since you aren't this way, I am hurt and now have proof that you don't love me.
Wow, are we suckers for pain or what?? Oh, and this little operation also serves as a perfect platform for pointing fingers - - "You weren't this way, it's your fault everything fell apart..."
In all things in life it is our obligation to speak out with our expectations. We are not responsible for how life in general or another person responds to it, but we are responsible to speak our expectations.
Now when you go through your day - have a look. Check and see if you are harboring expectations. Are you expecting everyone to drive like experts? Are you expecting the overtired, overworked and underpaid checker at the store to be nice? Are you expecting your partner to understand you when you do xyz? More importantly, HAVE YOU TOLD THEM??? If you aren't in a position to tell them (i.e. all those other drivers) you need to look at your expectation and see if it's realistic. If it isn't, this would be a good opportunity to drop it. If it is unexpressed (i.e. with a partner), this would be your opportunity to share it and give them an honest chance to decide whether than can or can't respond to your expectation the way you want them to.
Above all - this is a very good and important exercise to recognize what your expectations are and look at whether they are making you happy or whether they are a source of pain and misfortune for you. And with that - you can decide whether you want to keep them; or not.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
Our lives are really one long set of expectations. Maybe that's ok - we've gathered alot of experience, already. We've woken up thousands of days and seen the morning, we know where the alarm clock is, etc. The problem is when we become attached to them. Because that is what differentiates between what we expect and what is, and causes us to not be able to handle what is because of what we expect.
But the biggest place we expect is in our interactions with other people - and this whether we are aware of it or not. We simply pile on tons and tons of expectations to our friends, our partners, even random people we interact with! (Only think of the slow driver in front of you that you are expecting to hit the darn gas pedal!)
And here is the two-fold problem with this arrangement:
1. WE HAVEN'T TOLD THEM OUR EXPECTATION
2. and - WE'RE COMPLETELY ATTACHED TO THEM LIVING UP TO IT
Are you shaking your head yet? Because this is really crazy. If you have an expectation of someone, you either have to let them know that and at least give them the opportunity to live up to it, or you have to abandon the expectation. You can't waltz through life expecting people to mind read your every expectation, it's not reasonable. These expectations, these UNSPOKEN expectations are at the root of the vast majority of pain we experience in our relationships. I expect you to be this way, you aren't that way (because I haven't told you and you haven't had the opportunity of deciding if you want to be this way); and since you aren't this way, I am hurt and now have proof that you don't love me.
Wow, are we suckers for pain or what?? Oh, and this little operation also serves as a perfect platform for pointing fingers - - "You weren't this way, it's your fault everything fell apart..."
In all things in life it is our obligation to speak out with our expectations. We are not responsible for how life in general or another person responds to it, but we are responsible to speak our expectations.
Now when you go through your day - have a look. Check and see if you are harboring expectations. Are you expecting everyone to drive like experts? Are you expecting the overtired, overworked and underpaid checker at the store to be nice? Are you expecting your partner to understand you when you do xyz? More importantly, HAVE YOU TOLD THEM??? If you aren't in a position to tell them (i.e. all those other drivers) you need to look at your expectation and see if it's realistic. If it isn't, this would be a good opportunity to drop it. If it is unexpressed (i.e. with a partner), this would be your opportunity to share it and give them an honest chance to decide whether than can or can't respond to your expectation the way you want them to.
Above all - this is a very good and important exercise to recognize what your expectations are and look at whether they are making you happy or whether they are a source of pain and misfortune for you. And with that - you can decide whether you want to keep them; or not.
Blessings.
- Darshan
© 2010 Darshan F Jessop
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