The Ultimate Question

A while back I saw Gaven de Becker on Oprah talking about the Gift of Fear - that instant before something happens, when you know. He teaches about how to identify that, and how to act on it, and in most of the situations he's talking and teaching about, there are big and serious crimes happening.

But if you take that same concept and translate it to the rest of life, it's true too. Things happen, we respond. Life goes on. In my mind, the ultimate question doesn't lie in whether or not we can forgive the circumstances, or anyone else involved, but whether we can forgive ourselves for knowing and not acting.

When we get angry at someone and yell at them, there's another voice inside knowing the real reason we are angry, and 99% of the time, there is little or no relationship between the real reason we are angry and the source of the yelling. When we act a certain way out of fear or because we're feeling anxious, what we're afraid of or anxious about is generally far removed from what we're expressing the fear about.

We know better, but the fear takes over, or the anger, or the anxiety, or whatever. Eventually, "this, too, shall pass" as the saying goes; it does pass, and then that ultimate question comes dancing out of the corner - Can you forgive yourself?

It's the ultimate question because above all things, we have to forgive ourselves. We aren't actually even in a position to forgive others until we can totally forgive ourselves and this is a really vital point in healing anything in any way. There is no forgiveness going out or coming in that has any value until we have done it ourselves; it's the forgiveness that has the most meaning of all.

If only we can see these "mistakes" we've made as gifts and golden opportunities to learn to do it better next time, we could save ourselves a whole lot of heartache. What's the point of trashing yourself? Victomhood is a waste of energy. Everybody makes mistakes, we come here to make mistakes. We blow it, then we learn, and then we do it better next time.

So, here, today, drop it; drop whatever it is you are holding against yourself. Let go of it by reaching for something higher than yourself - answer that ultimate questin with a strong affirmative. Now that's forgiveness.

Blessings.
- Darshan

© 2008 Darshan F Jessop