Faux Control

We are in a way at the mercy of what life throws at us. It is unfortunate to fall into the trap of faux control - the idea that there is something we can do that will allow us to keep control of the situation. Life is full every imaginable circumstance and change, there really isn't anything we can do to be in control of the circumstances life throws at us - it's faux because the concept of controlling it is an illusion.

Life brings tidal waves, change of address, friends and family coming and going, sunsets, time changes, body changes, work changes, and every type of change you can imagine. Some change is more painful than others, all change in the world requires some form of personal evolution (for better or worse) and ours is the honor of finding a place of balance and grace to handle it. Faux control isn't it. Some examples of faux control are:

1. Sitting in judgment. When we sit in judgment of others, we are trying to take a position that is more superior than them, and we are forgetting that God is in everything, even the worst catastrophe, to give us an opportunity to learn, to grow and to evolve as spiritual beings. A moment of equanimity and non-judgment is powerful. All of life is geared towards teaching us the ability to not react, not attach ourselves to a pre-conceived notion of How Things Should Be. Judgment is bitter and hateful and it is an illusion that it will make us feel better to belittle others while it really only tries to hide the fact that we have a long way to go to becoming the spiritually rounded, non-reacting, compassionate beings we strive towards.

2. Whining for Control. There is that strategy of whining and complaining loudly any time we don't get our way, that is a sure sign that we are under the spell of an illusion of control. If only we whine enough about how disadvantaged we are, complain enough about everyone else, and cry because things never work out for us, we imagine that we will finally get what we want. Key word - illusion, of course. Life can throw at us what it wants - to choose whining over constructive action is to create victimhood where it need not be. We end up judging a situation because it isn't what we expect it to be and what we are attached to for an outcome and the whining doesn't change a thing.

It doesn't matter what life throws at us, the only thing that matters is what we do with it. This is never going to change, no matter how much we wish it away. We can spend our time and our energy engaging in activities that encourage us to believe the illusion that we have control over these outcomes or we can work harder to recognize that our power lies in our response. The cool, the calm, the level-headed always has an advantage over the raging and hysterical - life is the same way.

Forget faux control; it's just an illusion. You are worth more than that. Find your own place of cool, calm, level-headed equanimity and let life do its thing - you'll be ready for it, no matter what it brings.


Love and blessings
- Darshan





© 2010 Darshan F Jessop