Forgotten and Forgiven

We think that what we leave behind is not only forgotten, but also forgiven. Have you ever gone through things only to find yourself embarrassed by the actions of those involved and wondering if forgiveness was ever even contemplated?

Marianne Williamson said, "No matter what your problem is, your pain hides your unforgiveness." We lock away those memories as if what is forgotten is also forgiven, when it is neither. The things that don't work out in our lives, don't work out because there is an element of something unforgiven, hidden in its depths. How often does the forgotten morph with each telling, and how often do we lock away the remnants of pain, chagrin or anger at the source of why we sought change in the first place!

We tell ourselves these stories because we don't want to feel that pain, we don't want to feel that anger, we don't want to feel that helplessness of not being able to change something and make it right in our eyes. We weave and weave these stories until they become the wall between us and our experience of the truth of that pain or anger or chagrin. And then we walk away, and because we have the story down pat, because we no longer need to think about it, we consider it forgiven.

No, no, a thousand times no. forgiveness is an act. It is an act that abolishes the ego to the stool in the corner for a while, while we practice humility. There's a Hawaiin practice that says something like, "You're right, I'm wrong. I'm sorry. Please forgive me." It is a practice that nurtures humility. And this is the type of practice or discipline we need for forgiveness, for while we think we are asking it from others, we are learning to practice forgiveness ourselves. In that moment, when you say, "please forgive me," you are also asking yourself to forgive you.

Instead of banging your head up against the wall, wanting things to be different and not knowing how to deal with problems in your life, you can also search for the places in your life that need honest forgiveness. What wrongs have you experienced from others? What has happened in your life that you feel bad about? Look for the blame that naturally sprouts up and then find the path to forgiveness.

Forgiveness doesn't just happen. You have to wrestle the ego out of the front row seat, where it can disturb humility. You have to consciously be willing to release blame and remember that everything really is/was a perfect part of a perfect whole. Again and again, and then again.

"No matter what your problem is, your pain hides your unforgiveness." Consider whether you would be willing to rake up all of those bygone forgotten things and begin processing forgiveness. Consider your life without pain and without problems.

Blessings.
- Darshan

© 2009 Darshan F Jessop